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My Mental state at a glance

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

6:06PM - Wow

Can't believe it took me this long to do this. The amount of crazy I have put up with over the years has been absurd. The lack of compassion and the lack of empathy for someone else's emotions other than whatever you feel at that second is astounding. You don't want to understand, you don't care to understand. I am pretty sure you will crash and burn again, but you will have to pick yourself up on your own because I can't and won't be used like that again.

Sunday, November 13, 2016

6:15PM - Again

It shouldn't effect me but it still does. Don't know what to do about this. Guess I will handle it like I usually do.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016



"In the world that I want, and in the world that I’m hoping all of you help me build, telling someone that you have an STI should not be brave or shocking. It should be normal, and kind of boring. Because I do not care how you got herpes. I don’t care if you got it because you had a ton of fun your freshman year of college—more power to you. I don’t care if you got herpes because your aunt who always had cold sores kissed you on the mouth when you were a little kid (which is actually how a lot of herpes is spread, it’s in family moments like that). And I really don’t care if you lost your virginity to a woman who lived a life before she met you. Because an STI, especially herpes, is not a reflection of your character or a consequence of a bad decision. It is an inevitability of being a human being on this planet who comes into skin contact with other human beings. Period, end of discussion."

Sunday, December 6, 2015


I didn't realize how much I loved you until I tried to be with someone else.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

11:27PM - All the things I would say.

I feel it killing me inside to not be able to talk to you. I keep thinking of the day when I will be able to but I don't know if it will ever happen. I guess the unknown is frightening to me. I just want to sit with you and talk like it used to happen. There weren't the disagreements and arguments and misunderstanding in person. You were right and there was only one way it was going to work. A toast to the future and trying to be hopeful against the odds and even against the hard lines I used to draw that have softened with self exploration and experience. Cheers.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

10:22PM - How do you know you are depressed?

When you haven't showered since two states ago?
When you sit in your car and don't have the energy to drive it for 40 minutes?
When you work for an hour then take a 4 hour nap?
When you sleep for over 9 hours a day but never really wake up?
When you gauge how much you hurt vs how much it would hurt others if you weren't here?
When you want to reach out to people but they would think you just want attention?
When you are pissed at the promises you have made that keep you here?
When everything on paper is going great and you can't enjoy any of it?
When you cut people off because they tried to make it about them?

Not saying I am experiencing any of this now.... I am also not saying I am not experiencing this now.

Thursday, September 17, 2015


I don't know why it's so hard to get. If someone tells you they don't care about you then they don't. It's cut and dry. I don't know why I keep faking scenarios in my head to the contrary. Accepting the inevitable has never been my strong suit.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015


I am not ok at all.

Monday, August 3, 2015

10:38PM - A feature they will never come out with.

I wish there was a tracker for how many times someone visited your social networking profiles, and what they looked at while they were there.

Thursday, March 26, 2015


I may not know everything I want in life, but I know not to ask specifically for something I don't want.

Thursday, March 12, 2015


Why do people ask if I am ok? I say I am but I want to say fuck no I am not ok. My friend is fucking dead. It's not ok. I am not ok. I can't fall out hysterically like I want to sometimes. I don't even know how to cope with half of this. Nothing seems to help. I seem to be losing the little self control I had. My life was never stable but it feels less stable than ever. I want to run away now more than ever. What's here for me? Why stay? All the excuses I had before were just that. I can go anywhere I want so why stay here? Then again why go anywhere? There isn't anything for me anywhere else either. Guess I better lay down and close my eyes and hope tomorrow is better even though there is no reason it should be. You can't go backwards and you can't replace people who are gone.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

5:07PM - Cruel World

Why go out of your way to hurt someone? I don't think this world needs more negativity. I am doing my best to be kind and not cause unnecessary pain. Am I perfect at this? no. I just hope to get better. I don't know why I did to make someone actively try to hurt me. I probably deserved it anyway.

Thursday, May 1, 2014



Thursday, November 21, 2013


I have to examine the friends I have and see which ones are actually out there to help me become a better person. After some things that have been said I wonder if they have my best interest or my happiness in mind or is it something else? I guess I will see who will be there for me when I move.

Monday, September 30, 2013


Sometimes you find advice and guidance in the strangest places. Thank you.

Monday, June 24, 2013



Monday, June 4, 2012

11:45AM - A post a saw, it made me think.

Facebook user post:
They say, if you love someone let them go to see if they come back, but let's face it, if you really love them, you're not letting them go.

Facebook user comment:
Let them go doesn't mean ditch them. It means let go of control. Let them go be what they need to be, go evolve and learn to be a man, whatever it is. And love them through that process without judgement. Loving someone is loving them enough to allow them to go learn on their own. After that, if they come back, they will really love n appreciate you for it. And probably be yours forever, too.

Monday, June 13, 2011

2:49PM - Yeah

I need to remain single.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

6:52AM - Heart

People tend to think I don't have one. Somehow it is still able to be hurt. In this case, it's what I knew would happen, but somehow knowing the future, and feeling it when it happens is still a bit of a shock for me.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

11:35AM - My problem

I don't want anyone to want only me. I don't know why it makes me so uncomfortable. I think this leads to most of my relationship issues. If someone wants only me, I will do almost anything to get them to either stop wanting me, or to want someone else as well. I don't deserve to be anyones one and only.

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